"18" by Ari Kuhns

Ari Kuhns (they/them) is a stage manager and barista who writes accessible poetry for the general population. Their focus is on telling stories that promote inclusivity, representation, and joy in the world. Topics they lean toward include domestic abuse, mental health, and the queer community.

Your partner may be coercively controlling you if they are:

Isolating you from friends and family

i guess i didn’t

need to talk to anyone

but you anyway

Closely monitoring your activity

i really did spend

too much time watching life hack

videos online

Denying your freedom

where was i going

to go without you there

standing by my side

Gaslighting you

my memory was

terrible, you shouldn’t be

blamed for my own flaws

Constantly criticizing you

i was clumsy, just

a scatter-brained lover, just

a ditzy silly pup

Controlling your finances

why would i need to

have more than the two hundred

that you let me keep

Forcing you to live by their rules

bedtime at midnight

dinner of tofu and rice

thanks for the structure

Questioning your behavior

you saved me from so

many mistakes; fashion, friends,

school, fun, family

Making violent threats

for as angry as

i could make you, you only

hit me just the once

Monitoring your activities with family and friends

you were attentive

always knew who i was with

and when i’d return

Constantly checking up on you

i loved seeing your

name light up across my phone

when we were apart

Stopping you from working in certain places

it would’ve taken

me a lot longer to quit

if you hadn’t pushed

Telling you what you should eat

you’re probably right

i didn’t need that second

bowl of cereal

Allowing you no privacy

we were totally

inseparable, united

partners and lovers

Damaging your property

i’m sure that my new

music box really did fall

accidentally

You are constantly living in fear of upsetting them

my anxiety

was always spiking for no

reason that made sense

You have to do things in a particular way or they will get angry

there were some things that

you naturally did

better than i did

Your needs are not important and never discussed

i needed only

to serve you and make sure that

your own needs were met